manus in mano
by shkespeare
Summary: Wishing but never asking. Hoping for more but knowing it could never happen. Running away from feelings and aching for love. Love. Dorian took a deep breath. Wishing and taking risks. Hoping for more and knowing it could happen. Accepting the feelings and finding love. It was time. (or how Dorian faced his old fears and finally proposed to Caedri Lavellan)


"Caedri, Caedri, Caedri. He's all you can think about. Fumbling with words once thought never to be spoken; it feels like falling in love all over again. What if he refuses, what if he walks away?"

"Cole, st-"

"The ribbon feels like fire in your hands, maybe you shouldn't do this after all. No, no, no. Old fears are there once more. Hands sweating, heart beating too fast. What if-?"

"Stop."

Dorian finally looked up, locking eyes with Cole. The boy was staring at him with an odd expression.

"I've made it worse. I'm sorry." Cole whispered, and Dorian sighed.

"It's okay, I just... don't know what to do anymore. It feels like a dream."

He had heard great things about the sunsets in Halamshiral, but he had never truly believed in them until that day. The warm summer's breeze sang through the leaves above him, making the flowers dance. It was as if everything had been painted orange, bringing peace and tranquillity in the amber hues. There was the distant sound of laughter from the tavern, the only other sound that could be heard was the chirping of the birds.

"It isn't a dream."

Dorian closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Every part of him felt like it was shaking, except for the hand holding the ribbon that Aphre had gotten for him. That hand was stable, even though the ribbon felt like fire. A hot, desperate fire looking for a place to burn brighter.

"Caedri's hand, entwined with yours. A promise, an oath, a reminder of how it feels to love and to be loved. They say it is the greatest joy in life."

"And it is, Cole. It truly is." A familiar voice murmured behind him.

Dorian opened his eyes and quickly turned around, only to find Aphre, still in her training leathers, smiling softly at him _._

"I believe Maryden was looking for you. I think it had something to do with kittens?"

"I completely forgot!" He cried, leaping suddenly from the bench, looking at Dorian, "You will be okay, no matter what happens."

Dorian and Aphre watched as Cole disappeared around the corner, whispering something about kittens and pie to himself.

"Are you alright?" The elven mage asked, sitting down next to him.

"Yes. No? Kaffas." Dorian shook his head and looked at the patterned ribbon in his hand. _Still hot, still burning. Hoping, wishing, praying._

"Hey, listen to me. I know the future is scary and unpredictable and sometimes faith just likes to play with you." She smiled sadly at her own words. The wound Solas had left in her heart was still fresh, it was healing, yes, but it would take time. "But you know what? Fuck the scary future and everything bad it brings. Hope for the bright future instead, the one filled with happiness and love: the one with Caedri. I cannot know for sure how my brother will react, but one thing is certain: he loves you with his entire being, Dorian, and I know you love him just as much. You both have suffered, yes, but you have suffered together _._ You were there for each other when times were the darkest, times when all love and hope seemed lost. But they were not. Love is never lost; it is the strongest thing in this world, connecting everything and everyone. A ribbon just makes the connections visible to the world."

 _She's right,_ he thought. _She's always right._ The old Dorian would have laughed at Aphre's speech. He had thought about love as an unachievable thing, something that only existed in the fairytales he had read as a child. But Caedri changed that. At first, they had stumbled like newborn halla around each other, but with time came trust, and with trust came love. Instead of leaving, Dorian learned how to stay and feel Caedri's warmth against his body. There had been hope for their relationship in his heart, something the old Dorian never thought possible. Now, the old Dorian was non-existent, taking all those stupid, little fears with him.

"Thank you, Aphre." A whisper, spoken only for her. Tears stung his eyes, but he quickly blinked them away.

Aphre reached for his free hand, and held it between her smaller ones. The silence between them wasn't awkward or uncomfortable, it was peaceful. Dorian liked Caedri's sister, a strong woman who too had had her fair share of suffering. She reminded him of himself back when he had first left Tevinter, and that was good. He had healed, and the same would happen to her.

"The ribbon you're holding has been on my family for generations, you know." She broke the silence and let go of Dorian's hand only to grasp the one holding said ribbon, "My mother gave it to my father after a long day of hunting. I was also conceived that day." Dorian let out a small chuckle at her words, "My grandfather made it himself from a big piece of fabric he found on the middle of the forest. He painted the patterns himself and all. I know it's not much when compared to shemlen marriage proposals, but... it's ours."

"Marriage proposals in Tevinter are rare these days. You marry the person your parents pick for you, and that's it. The weddings are great, yes, but they don't have any meaning. This? This is all I could ever ask for. A true promise. Let's just hope your grandfather's ghost doesn't come for me."

Aphre laughed and got up. "My grandfather valued family above all. You're already part of our family, whether you like it or not, so I highly doubt he will show up in your dreams. Besides that, you actually tolerate Caedri. And that is a feat in itself, Dorian, no one could argue against that."

/

Caedri paid a quick visit to the Bull's Chargers at the tavern, who were partaking in an arm-wrestling competition, before heading out to the gardens to meet with Dorian. He was tired. The Exalted Council was far from over (the Empress had arrived days before, bringing with her even more trouble) and negotiations had to be handled carefully, which was something Caedri wasn't used to do (Creators, he'd snapped at the Empress the day she arrived). Fortunately for him, and probably for all of Thedas, Josephine was there to save the day.

His days were spent either negotiating or learning how to fight without his left arm. He wasn't the Inquisitor anymore, but he still had to be able to defend those under his care and protection, whether it was from angry nobles or simple bandits. Honestly, he didn't know which of two he preferred.

He spotted Dorian leaning over the railings, his back turned. Caedri sped up his pace, eager to be close to his most beloved, and laid his remaining hand on top of Dorian's, which obviously startled the man.

"Amatus, it's you. For a moment I thought it was Cole telling me to..." He stopped talking abruptly, shaking his head slightly. Caedri found his actions strange but chose to ignore them. "Never mind. How was your day?"

"Shitty. Very shitty."

This earned a laugh from Dorian, who looked at Caedri. The elf had changed so much since they first met. He looked tired and older than ever, like suddenly someone had dropped 5 years filled with sorrow and grief on top of him. However, his eyes remained almost the same ( _oh his eyes, ever so bright and proud and mischievous_ ). They were an icy blue, with green tones shot through the irises, tones that showed the most under the orange lights of a sunset. A sunset like the one in hanging in the evening sky.

"Celene still insists on blaming the Dalish for what happened with Solas. 'He's one of your gods, Master Lavellan, and I'm just trying to protect my people from him." The elf did a great impression of the Empress, in Dorian's opinion. "And Briala doesn't help at all. 'Friend of the Dalish' my arse."

"Your arse has done more for the Dalish than Briala has in her entire life."

Caedri chuckled and turned his face to the horizon. "You bet it has." He whispered and visibly relaxed as he admired the landscape, nature always seemed to calm him down.

Dorian knew how much Caedri missed the Dalish, and the thought of it reminded him of the ribbon he had hidden under his robes, secreted away by his heart, which also made it start beating faster. He wasn't sure he had feeling in his legs anymore. Suddenly, he was his old self again.

Wishing but never asking. Hoping for more but knowing it could never happen. Running away from feelings and aching for love. Love.

Dorian took a deep breath.

Wishing and taking risks. Hoping for more and knowing it could happen. Accepting the feelings and finding love.

 _It was time._

"Handfasting. That's what the Dalish do when they get married, right?"

Caedri didn't answer for a couple of seconds. Dorian's heart stopped in the lapse. The elf then nodded, never taking his eyes off the landscape.

"Yes. But wh-" He turned his head to look at Dorian, and now it was the turn of Caedri's heart to stop.

Dorian held a Dalish handfasting ribbon in his hand.

"Dor-"

"I love you, Caedri. You've been on my mind ever since you stepped into that damned Chantry in Redcliffe. There were demons everywhere and suddenly you appeared with your daggers and wicked smile, like closing rifts and killing demons was _fun_. You believed in me, the evil mage from Tevinter, and you let me join the Inquisition. For the first time in years I actually felt like I was doing something right with my life. And then came Skyhold, and I started to _really_ care for you. It was terrifying, and I knew it wouldn't last. Nothing ever lasted, not for me. I didn't know how to react, I didn't know what to say or do. But you were there to catch me, Caedri. You were there when I confronted my father; you were there whenever I felt like giving up. You taught me how to love, amatus, and I learned how to be loved. You and I were a recipe for disaster, but we stayed together. There was hope in every word you spoke and all I wanted to do was hold you in my arms and run away. The world was ending, yet somehow there was hope for a brighter future. A future with you. A future filled with love. No more hiding, no more pretending. Time-travelling, dragon-slaying, killing an ancient magister turned darkspawn. Maker's balls, we even crossed the Fade. I would do it all over if it meant falling in love with you again."

His voice was thick with emotion. Caedri was crying, and Dorian was pretty sure were kohl stained tears running down his face, too.

"I do not know what the future will be like for me or you - for any of us, really – but I know I want to be by your side no matter what comes. When Aphre dragged you out of that stupid eluvian, I thought I'd lost you forever, Caedri. You were alive, but barely breathing. Bull had to chop your arm off and I prayed my magic would heal you enough to get out of the Crossroads. There was so much blood, Sera was sobbing, Aphre looked like she was about to faint. Bull picked you up and everything seemed lost. Yet you smiled at me with that crooked smile of yours and I realised I couldn't live without you. I prayed, Caedri, I prayed to the Maker to let you live. I prayed to your gods for a chance to see your beautiful eyes again. And you survived. Somehow you managed to survive. And here I stand today, before the only man I have ever loved, to tell him I cannot lose him again. I will not leave for Tevinter with words unsaid. I should have done this two years ago, but I was still afraid. Not anymore, amatus. Will you take me as your husb-" Dorian was interrupted as Caedri's lips met his, throwing him off balance.

The kiss was messy and Caedri's right hand was everywhere: on his face, neck and back, grabbing his robes, pulling him closer, and holding him like he feared he might slip away anytime. Dorian nearly dropped the ribbon as his own hands tried to find their way to Caedri's face. He broke the kiss and the elf opened his eyes, glistening with tears.

"Yes. Creators, _yes._ " And then he was laughing, and Dorian wanted to capture the sound and play it forever. "I am yours, Dorian. For as long as you'll have me."

"It might be a very long time."

"Good."

Dorian knelt down and tied the ribbon to Caedri's right wrist. A very long time sounded good, indeed.

/

"He said yes."

Everyone looked in Cole's direction. The boy was looking at the void, lips curved in a smile

"He said yes. It doesn't feel real yet there he is soft lips, freckled shoulders and warm eyes. Only for him. Only for him."

There were cheers from the Iron Bull and his Chargers, and Sera raised her drink, grinning. In the next table, playing Wicked Grace, Aphre laughed in delight while Varric chuckled fondly, muttering "they always fall for the 'Vints". Josephine hugged Cassandra, who told Varric "I knew something was up!". Thom clapped his hands twice while Vivienne nodded in approval.

Cole continued. "Soft skin and callused fingers, always so tender. He holds him tight while he kisses him, please never stop. Hands roaming, whisperin-"

"I think that's enough, kid. Let them have some privacy." Varric interrupted him.

Aphre was happy for her brother. She was happy for Dorian, too. They would stay together for as long as faith allowed them too. _And then, they would challenge faith itself, hand in hand._


End file.
